I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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