Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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