So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Mom said you looked used
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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