just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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