True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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