I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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