Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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