just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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