Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
