He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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