I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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