it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
