I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
