he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
