I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
