Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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