I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
fuck your aforementioned shoe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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