he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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