Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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