I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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