I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
