Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
