i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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