Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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