You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
