i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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