Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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