i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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