the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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