i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
