I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
