how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
