There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
