New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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