Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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