My first STD was from a foam party
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
