it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
