YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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