I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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