i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
