hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
