why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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