just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
