My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
