i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
