my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
