Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
