He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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