if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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