There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
