it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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