Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
