we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
