areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
