I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
