you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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