my phone needs a breathalizer
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
