i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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