belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
