I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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