For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize