i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
