those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
