I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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