I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
