Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
