hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wow bdsm is so cute
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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