Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
